My Field Trip to NYC

As many of you know, my family is from the NYC area.  My Mom still lives in the Bronx, and my sister lived in the city for many years and remains a frequent visitor.  Most of my family resides in the New York area and I myself, lived there for several years growing up.  

What you may not know is I don’t like the city.  That may be sacrilege to some of you, but I have always been more at ease in the country than on the city streets.  There have been many visits over the years; with the last one being for my grandfathers’ funeral about 6 years ago.  It was a quick trip, with no time for excursions downtown.  The time before that was for my grandmothers’ funeral, again, with no time for museums, shopping or side-trips.  So, this trip was going to be different:  first, I was traveling alone, something I have rarely done in 24 years; and second, I was staying for a week. Let the sight-seeing begin!

And it did!  On our first evening, we drove down to the edge of Manhattan and took a Hidden Harbor cruise to view the tall ships.  The ships would be under sail up the Hudson River the following day, but this evening they were moored.  The US ship, The Eagle, was moored next to the Statue of Liberty. It was truly a beautiful vision.  And it was great to see the other ships and their crews.  We waved and took pictures of the crews on the ships and then they waved and took pictures of us on our ship.  It couldn’t have been a nicer evening.

The Lady Liberty and the Coast Guard Cutter The Eagle

The next day was a bus ride downtown to see a Broadway show.  We took Mom to see Jesus Christ Superstar for her birthday.  We had some time, so we did some walking, and as we walked I felt the presence of the crowd around me. The noise, the buildings, and the activity – it was all a bit overwhelming.  And then, I began to feel myself change in response to my surroundings.  I can recall that as a child I sometimes felt like I needed to put-on a “badass” attitude if I felt a little threatened.  Probably akin to a bird puffing itself up when it feels threatened.  Oddly enough, wandering around through Time Square, I felt like I needed to puff myself up and protect myself from something, although I’m not sure what.  I think it was just a response to the atmosphere, but it was exhausting.  We had a lovely dinner out, and spent some time with Mom’s friends, but by the time we got back to the apartment, I was exhausted.  Using all that energy to try and protect myself from an environment that I find to be way over-stimulating just wore me out.

Fortunately, by the third day, a little of the edge of the city had worn away.  It’s not that it was suddenly comfortable, but I did not have the need to try and protect myself from any unseen threats.  In fact, the 1970’s NYC of my childhood memories is very different from NYC today.  And I don’t think it is just the difference between a child’s eyes or an adult’s eyes.  In general, I found the city today to be a cleaner and more “user-friendly” environment. There are more green spaces, and it is cleaner.  There appears to be a conscious effort to be better custodians of New York.  I think it’s great and wonderful.  

I still don’t like it.

Today, the third day was filled with a stroll through Little Italy and Chinatown. And then we walked to where the Twin Towers had stood.  I don’t think there is any American over the age of 20 who couldn’t tell you what they were doing the day the Towers fell.  Almost all of us have a story to tell about that day and the days that were to follow.  I have wanted to see the site for a long time.  Once, about 8 years ago I asked Mom about going and she said “No”.  The memories were still too fresh for her, and I respected that.  I didn’t realize Sue felt the same way, but she told me she didn’t feel she was ready to go up until today.  

I’m glad we went and saw the Twin Reflecting Pools.  The Freedom Tower isn’t complete; the Museum isn’t complete; other buildings going up aren’t complete; but the pools are there and the walls surrounding them are engraved with the names of the victims.  

So many names.

So many names that have “and unborn child” coupled with them.  

So many names of victims of every race and creed that it becomes readily apparent that this wasn’t just an attack on America, but an attack upon humanity.

We know how many victims there were, but it wasn’t until I saw how many names were engraved in the walls surrounding the twin reflecting pools that the enormity of the loss became tangible to my brain.

row after row of names

There were flowers and flags left in tribute, and there were several sailors present which reminded me of how many people enlisted right after the fall of the Towers.  And there was one young sailor who slowly and deliberately walked around both pools trailing his fingertips gently across the engraved names.  

As I watched I saw people posing to get their pictures taken and it reminded me of something that happened many years ago.  My car had essentially caught fire while Jake and I were driving.  Jake was young, just a little over a year old and the episode scared and infuriated me. It’s seems there had been a recall on my car that had been missed or overlooked by the dealer and I called our local paper to speak with someone so others could be alerted to the dangers of missed recalls.  A reporter and photographer came out to do a story on us and to take our picture.  As I stood holding Jake I looked at the camera and smiled.  The photographer said to me – “why are you smiling?  This is serious – don’t smile!” I stopped smiling and instead kissed the top of Jake’s head and that was the picture that went into the paper.

I thought about that article and that photo from long ago while I watched people getting their picture taken at the 911 Memorial.  I think that when we get in front of a camera we automatically pose and smile. Some part of me wants to say to the people smiling in front of all those engraved names – “this is serious – don’t smile!”

And yet – perhaps we do need to smile at each other.  Not the smile of comic relief, but a smile extended in friendship and mutual respect. A smile to help us work through our collective grief; to help us heal; to help us rebuild. To help make sure this never happens again - anywhere.

Freedom Tower, under construction